In Nothing Higher, I shared an experience I had several years ago about receiving one very negative feedback. This came from just one person out of a class of 14 people after delivering a one day public seminar on emotional intelligence. He gave the entire 1-day session a one-star rating, and wrote, "An engineer has no business teaching a class on emotional intelligence," in the comments section.
Despite the fact that every other person in that class gave me a five-star rating and wrote glowing comments, I fixated on that one bad review for a while. That is until I reminded myself that it’s usually impossible to please everyone.
Something similar happened in 2021 when Nothing Higher was about to be released. The real-life examples that I used to drive home the points in the "Epilogue" rubbed someone the wrong way. Even though I explicitly stated that I was not motivated by political leanings one way or another, someone saw it exactly that way. As a result, the person decided not to write a review despite the fact that they loved everything else about the book.
To their credit, this person ordered about half a dozen copies of the book for their family members when it was released. That experience once again reminded me of the fact that I could not please everyone. That point was driven home again almost four months ago.
Early in December 2023, I shared in this forum information about my upcoming mission trip to Zambia. In that newsletter, I also asked for your contributions towards the cost of the trip, and I explained why I was asking. During the week following that request, three people unsubscribed from my newsletter.
While this number isn’t significant given that there are a few hundred subscribers, the timing of their departure pointed to the reasons for their departure. Usually, we get one unsubscribe within a period of two to three months. And this is okay because you don’t need to remain if you’re no longer getting value from writings.
In fact, this is something I’ve always encouraged. Many of you who have been receiving this newsletter for some time would remember a time when I was doing an annual purging by removing those who have not bothered to open one of the weekly emails during the preceding year.
It seemed asking for your support and contributions towards what I believe is a good cause rubbed a few people the wrong way. It didn’t matter that I had shared in that edition of the newsletter how difficult it is for me to do something like that.
But the way, for those who cared to know, I’m close to reaching that fund-raising goal for the mission trip. I’m also confident that we will get there before the May deadline. Once again, I’m thankful to all of you who made this happen with your giving. I’m also grateful to those who could not contribute, but are praying and sending good thoughts towards the team as we prepare to go.
But, I digress.
Here’s the point I was making: trying to please every single person you come across is a fool’s errand.
I learned this many years ago. And I’m reminded of it time and again when events that drive them home occur. But I don’t take it personal anymore. It no longer affects me the way it used to many years ago. It’s not about me.
Whatever you do, and however pure your motives may be in doing it, it will most likely rub someone the wrong way. And you need to understand that it’s not about you. It has to do with the total sum of the life experiences of that person, and how these have shaped their beliefs, biases, and prejudices.
As long as you’re acting with good intentions, ensuring that what you’re saying and doing are above board, and being certain that you’re not motivated by malice, greed, jealousy, or any other negative thing, you can sleep easy even when one or two people disagree with you.
Of course, if the negative feedback is from many, you’d want to rethink whatever it is you’re doing. But if the overwhelming response is positive, you can chalk up the few dissenters to how their life experiences had shaped their worldview.
That’s not your problem to handle. It’s theirs to ponder.