Have you ever wanted something so much that it is painful to reject it because an acceptance violates a core principle of your existence?
I experienced something akin to this recently.
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to interview for an executive-level position with a great organization. This is an organization for which I have great respect and have admired from afar for many years. Their mission was in perfect alignment with my values, so I was thrilled when the opportunity presented itself. After going through a few stages of interviews and assessments, I had the opportunity to have a final chat with the hiring manager, a C-Suite executive.
During our first video meeting, he was five minutes late. Because being late for anything is a huge red flag for me, I made a note of this, so I would not forget the details in case I choose to address it later. I also noted that he gave no reason for being late to the meeting. But I thought it was good to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was a very busy executive, so being late to a meeting by five minutes can be excused - at least at that time, being the first time in my experience with him.
A couple of weeks later when he was supposed to call me, his call came 13 minutes after the agreed time. This time, he said he had thought it was another video meeting and was looking for the link. I accepted his reason but also made a note of it. During that discussion (it was a Friday), he told me that he was ready to extend an offer and that I should give his team until the end of the following week to put everything together.
When the following Friday came and went with no further information, I thought I’d give him until the next day since Saturday is technically the last day of the week. If I heard nothing by Monday, I planned to get in touch. On Monday afternoon, I sent him a text to ask what was going on. He responded that he had to deal with an “internal process friction,” and that there would be the need for a final video interview. After that interview, I received an email from his director of office administration a couple of days later asking if I could be available for a quick phone call that morning. During that early morning hour-long discussion, we both concluded that our expectations of what the position entailed were not in alignment. We left the discussion with him saying that we should both give the situation more thought and then regroup later.
By the time we finished talking, it was settled in my mind that the position was not a good fit for me. Even though I was disappointed and really wanted the job, I knew exactly what I needed to do. After thinking over the situation over the next 24 hours, I sent him an email, explaining why I was pulling out of being considered for the position. I then waited for a response. But nothing came.
I thought that not getting a response - any kind of response, even just a simple acknowledgment, was unusual. But I continued to wait, and wait, and wait for more than a month. While waiting, I went through different scenarios in my head about why he didn’t respond. All kinds of conspiracy theories came to mind, but I knew they were all just that - conspiracies - because I didn’t really know the actual reason. Finally, early one morning, I decided it was better to reach out and find out instead of speculating. This was exactly 45 days since I sent that email.
I sent him a text message asking if he could be available for a discussion and he obliged. He immediately sent back a text message that he would call me at 8:20 a.m. that morning. After more than an hour past the time he promised (around 9:30 a.m.), I sent him another text message that I’d been waiting for his call. Still, there was no response. Eventually, his call came at exactly 1:13 p.m. - almost five hours after he promised to call.
I told him I had been expecting a response - any kind of response at all - from my email sent to him a month and a half ago. He simply laughed about it and apologized. He said that he had so many things going on and had simply forgotten to close the loop with me. He also thanked me for making the decision easy for him by my withdrawal from being considered for the position.
I have to say that this executive was very personable and seemed like he would be a great person to work with. But my interactions with him left a very bad taste in my mouth. I couldn’t shake the fact that he had not kept his word to me during each of the opportunities I had to interact with him. He was late each time and didn’t follow through on what he said he’d do. Even though I’m a stickler for time, I definitely understand that there are instances when situations beyond one’s control could be responsible for something like this. Still, I believe that such situations are few and far between with people of integrity.
In the rare situations when these happen, those who desire to keep to their word find ways to get in front of it by managing the expectations of those waiting for them. They work hard at saying what they mean and doing what they say. With the highly interconnected world in which we currently live, it’s easier than ever to make a phone call or send a quick text message letting the person know you’re running late. I have found out that someone who is determined to follow through on promises will use whatever means they can find to communicate their inability to deliver before the agreed deadline is reached.
Even before I withdrew my candidacy from the position, I was already skeptical about working with this executive who seemed to be disrespectful of other people’s time. If I had been given an offer, my next step would have been to schedule another discussion with him before accepting it. The major points in that discussion would have had a lot to do with the issue of him not keeping to the promised time during our prior interactions. This was the reason I kept a detailed record of his tardiness so that I would have my facts straight.
As far as I was concerned, such behavior is simply unacceptable for anyone who desires to be taken seriously in their leadership, much less a C-Suite executive. It doesn’t matter how busy they claim to be. I can only imagine how that discussion with him would have gone if it had happened. And I was ready to walk away from the offer if necessary. In the final analysis, I believe that I dodged a bullet by not taking the job. Experiencing what I described here frequently with someone I work with daily would be a very frustrating experience for me. And I wouldn’t have kept quiet about it.
Saying what you mean and doing what you say at the time you promised might seem like a simple proposition for everyone to follow, but living by it can be a challenge for some. If your integrity is important to you, however, it’s a challenge that you must learn to embrace. When you don’t follow through with what you said you’d do, you’re effectively saying that others do not matter, that your words (implied or expressly stated) do not carry the weight they should, and that you cannot be counted upon when it truly matters. I believe this translates to being disrespectful to them.
I don’t think that’s something anyone would want to be known for.
But that’s just me.