Assertiveness

The Toxic Manager

More than two decades ago, after about a year in a new job, my manager informed me that my job did not belong on the salary scale it was placed. He said it belonged on a higher scale, so I needed to be promoted.

In order for this to happen, the job had to be re-evaluated to find its appropriate salary band. Since I was the one on the job, he told me to rewrite the job description to reflect what I was actually doing. As a starting point, he gave me the existing job description which was written about a year earlier when the position was created.

Excited, I worked feverishly on the task for about two weeks to ensure that all bases were covered. I delivered my final product to him and then . . .

Nothing happened.

For several months.

Then, I discovered that the set of documents I had produced was sitting at the bottom of the stack of his physical inbox of documents. Those were the days when there were physical Inbox and Outbox trays containing piles of papers on most managers' desks.

Thinking the documents got where I found them by accident, I moved them to the top of his Inbox.

But a week later, they had miraculously found their way back to the bottom of the pile. That's when I knew it wasn't a mistake. It seemed he was just going to seat on it. The urgency with which he had told me to prepare the documents was gone.

I gave it another couple of months to be sure I wasn't mistaken.

When I was certain he wasn't going to do anything, I took my case to his boss, who was the head of our department. I was careful not to accuse my manager of anything. I simply asked his boss about the status of my job re-evaluation which was supposed to have started about 6 months prior.

His boss told me he knew nothing about it. Then he asked me to give him a copy of the information I had put together.

A week later, he walked into my office and told me we had a strong case and that he would be taking it up with Human Resources. The promotion happened within a reasonable time.

My manager knew nothing about the entire long and arduous process it took. He only found out when he was copied on a letter sent to me by HR, inviting me to the promotion interview. He was furious but said nothing to me. I found out how he felt about a year later when he told me himself.

But he had proven to me that I couldn't trust him.

So, when I decided to leave the company about a year later, I didn't tell him. I sought advice instead from his manager and his manager's supervisor, who was my functional head. These people were great allies who supported and advocated for me every step of the way.

My manager's modus operandi was to suppress those he believed were threats to his own position. I saw this behavior not only in how he dealt with me but with most of us who reported to him. He was a toxic manager in an otherwise good company.

I've seen a lot written lately about toxic workplaces. Most of the blame for toxic workplaces have been placed at the feet of toxic leaders, and rightly so.

But I think this blame is misplaced.

It's true that toxic leaders are responsible for creating toxic work environments. They're the main reason for low levels of employee engagement. Many people leave companies because of them. Still, I don't think they're the root of the problem.

I don't think we should blame them completely.

𝑰 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔.

These are the real architects of toxic workplace culture.

When an organization has a flawed approach to evaluating leadership potential, most of its leaders will be flawed and crooked. I have seen situations in which being arrogant and brash were seen as positive leadership traits. They mistake such arrogant display of confidence for competence.

So they elevate these people, who in turn bring down the fortunes of their organization. It's only after their dysfunction is easily apparent that they realize their mistake. Then they hurriedly get rid of these toxic leaders.

And replace them with other toxic leaders.

Why?

Because toxic tend to use flawed approaches to pick the next set of toxic leaders. What this ensures is that the vicious cycle of toxic and incompetent leadership continues full throttle. That's until sanity is restored, or the organization is destroyed.

This then begs the question: How should an organization evaluate leadership potential?

I recently came across an interesting and simple assessment. It calculates your probability of being an incompetent leader. The assessment asks 9 simple questions and takes less than a minute to complete. Yet, it's been found to be surprisingly accurate.

As a leader or aspiring leader, I dare you to take it!

You can also encourage your entire leadership team to take it. Here's the link to it.

And if you're bold enough, share your results in the comments below. Tell us your probability of being an incompetent leader.

Be Bold

Allow me to take you back to when you were in school. It could be high school or college. You choose.

Imagine you were in one of your classes. The teacher or professor has spent the last hour teaching a complex subject. He's now done, and he asked if anyone had questions.

The truth is that you did not understand one thing from what had been taught during the last hour. So, you figured there would be others in the class who did not understand also. Surely one of them would ask a question, you thought.

But no one was biting.

You looked around the room. "Is it possible that everyone understood what was taught?" you wondered. "That seems to be the case if no one is asking a question!" It must just be you then.

If no one is asking a question, they must have understood everything. Better not to show your ignorance by asking a question to which everybody else know the answer, right?

So, you kept quiet.

Has this happened to you before? Or is it just me?

But there's else something you didn't realize in that class.

Nobody understood the material. Every other student in the class was thinking the same thing you were thinking. No one understood what was taught, but no one wants to exhibit their ignorance. Everyone remained quietly uninformed.

Social scientists call this Pluralistic Ignorance. It happens when a group of people go along with an idea because they erroneously assume that the idea is accepted or understood by everyone.

And it happens more frequently than you would think.

Far beyond school settings, pluralistic ignorance is rampant in many strata of our society. It leads corporations to continue with failing strategies. It leads government to continue with unpopular policies, foreign or domestic. It's rampant because most people are not bold enough to speak up.

No one wants to bell the cat and speak up when they perceive that something is wrong. They sit in silent agreement because they think everyone approves of what was happening.

Here's what happens you don't speak up:

  • Terrible ideas can move ahead uncontested

  • Great new ideas could go unheard

  • Average ideas will be untested

  • Contrary but game-changing views will go unheard

Organizations lose, and government policies fail when you and I don't have the courage to speak up. We don't speak up because we're either lacking or low in the emotional intelligence skill of Assertiveness.

With strong levels of Assertiveness, you have the boldness to speak up and communicate your beliefs and ideas openly. Rather than cower in fear, you defend your thoughts, values and personal rights. But you do all these in ways that are socially-acceptable, non-threatening and non-destructive. These are what separate assertiveness from aggression.

Some people shy away from being assertive because they confuse it with being aggressive. How can you tell the difference? Being assertive requires you to be both bold and kind at the same time.

Ask yourself, "Is what I'm about to communicate going to come across in a way that's non-threatening to the other side?"

"Am I about to defend my ideas in a manner that is non-destructive to my relationship with this person?"

If you can't answer "yes" to these questions, bite your lip, calm your emotions and rehearse in your head how you can turn these questions to "yes".

Do this before you proceed. But you do need to proceed.